This Cugel-Level imbroglio starts with a fish! While idly boating down the Scaum River, a serendipitous encounter over some succulent sauteed seabass with a saintly warm-hearted mapmaker sees the acceptance of a challenge to win the hand of said mapmakers daughter. The mapmakers daughter is possessed of a beauty so utterly incandescent that she outshines even the weak rays of the fading sun: as such, she may only be viewed safely through spectacles fashioned from violet cusps lest the viewer be most cruelly blinded. Additionally, the mapmaker will throw in the deeds to his solvent map making business to the bravo that proves victorious. (It should be self-evident even to those cursed with follicles of a suspiciously russet hue that ownership of such a thriving concern will undoubtedly keep the victor in the style to which he or she is accustomed until the sun at last flickers out and all life is irrevocably extinguished.)
The challenge is the very acme of ease: merely map a hitherto unmapped ten square miles of the Scaum Valley. Was there ever a simpler challenge – if such it can even be called – to win the hand of an angel and ridiculous riches to boot? Of course, failure to progress with the contracted mapmaking will result in the application of the customary aeon-old sentence for Fraudulent Cartography: an excruciating death in the Deodand Well in sunny Kaiin, swiftly followed by reincarnation in the Vats of Indentured Servitude in the Kaiin Guild of Wormingers.
If you have read this missive and are of the mind that the scenario ‘is purest arse gravy’, this is merely proof that the Glyph of Power ensorcelled herein has been efficacious. The glyph in question, as you might well ask, is of course none other than Plirbiko’s ‘Glyph of Moronity Revealed, Utterly’, which elicits the vocalisation of the aforementioned key phrase in those of retarded intellect or onanistic tendency.